Magazine > Taking the next step
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 By Dorianne Sager Congratulations! You've found someone you can connect with. The email banter is witty, articulate and flirtatious. You're eager to take the relationship to the next level. But before you rush to meet in person, consider the following: Trading emails back and forth for an extended period of time allows you the luxury of getting to know each other. There is no edit function in real life and you don't get the time to compose your responses like you can with email. Life is off the cuff and unrehearsed, email is completely in your control. Before you venture into the real world, make sure you want the same things out of the relationship. If your potential date doesn't want children and you really do, then there is little point in meeting face to face. Cut your losses and move on. Once you feel the relationship has gone as far it can on email suggest setting up a date over the phone. For safety issues, it's best to give out a cell phone number until you feel comfortable enough to reveal your home number (which may reveal your home address). Agree on a time and day to call and have a list of questions or topics you can discuss to avoid any awkward dead air. |
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Everyone suffers jitters when speaking for the first time, but trust your instincts; if the phone call goes badly or there are too many uncomfortable pauses, a match is not likely to happen. Revert back to email to politely end your correspondence. See article on rejection If the phone call goes well, you can either arrange a second one, or if you feel comfortable, organize to meet in public. After the time you have spent emailing and talking over the phone, that first real life encounter shouldn't be as nerve wracking as say, a blind date. If you can remember the things you have already discussed you will have plenty to keep the conversation flowing. Always keep the first date short; meeting for coffee is perfect. If things work out, coffee can extend to dinner. If it doesn't, you can always claim to have somewhere to go and rush off. You can then politely decline any further contact by email. For your own safety, always keep the first meeting in a public place. Refer to our Safety Tips for online dating to protect yourself. First dates are always a bit scary, but chances are the other person is experiencing the same fears as you. Relax, be yourself (which should be the same person you portrayed over email) and have fun. This is an adventure after all! No matter what happens once you meet in person, never consider any time invested in email or over the phone as a waste of time. Finding that special someone takes work, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your Prince (or Princess) charming. |
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